The 5 poker players you’ll meet in hell

There are certain types of poker players that you simply don’t want in your game, and not all of them are good players. Some players just grind on your nerves to the point that you feel like you have entered poker hell. In this article I will take a look at the five different types of poker players that can cause any player to tilt. These five different player types take great joy in making your poker experience a miserable one; regardless if they are aware of it or not. So without further delay here is the list of the 5 poker players you’ll meet in hell.

The Expert - The Expert is an all too common site at the poker tables now a days -think cats in Australia. These players like to berate what they feel is any non-perfect play, and use every poker forum term you have ever heard in a single sentence: Donkament; standard; and Degen. Experts are terrific additions to any game, since they make even the fishiest players play their best thanks to their antics, but perhaps the worst thing about Experts are that they are hypocrites! Since they usually are awful players, and talk out of their …

Mr. Important - Mr. Important likes to leave the poker table approximately every three hands or so, whether it’s to talk on their cell phone or simply to act like they have somewhere else to be. You can usually spot Mr. Important by their over-dressed appearance -always topped off with a gaudy knock-off watch-and their constant fidgeting. What makes these players so annoying is that they are locking-up a seat that could be occupied by a player who participates in more than a single hand per round!

The Antique Parade - You know when you’re driving down a road and then all of a sudden a car that appears to be driven by just two hands and the top of a fedora pulls out in front of you travelling in between Park and Neutral? Well, you’ll find yourself trapped behind the antique parade in poker as well. These players take eons to make the basic decision or to look at their cards, and they are easily distracted, sometimes simply zoning out.

The Angle-Shooter - Angle-Shooters are the scum of the poker world. These grizzled veterans try to use their experience and knowledge of the card-rooms arcane rules to cheat ignorant players out of pots. You can usually spot an angle-shooter by their leaning posture - usually an attempt to catch a glimpse their neighbors’ hole-cards-and their theatrics as they cite rule 45.7 section C that states…

The Mountain Man - The Mountain Man’s main issue is that they are hygienically impaired, to the point that they can make the eyes water of the unlucky players seated near them. Ruffled clothes featuring condiment stains are their dress, and when they lean in to tell you what they folded you can detect that it has been at least three days since a toothbrush hit their mouth.